Once again it has taken a while to get to writing my thought for a new month. This month brings the start of getting ready for school and a birthday in our little family. I forgot to mention the start of the football season. I always think of how Gary had look forward to his birthdays or any of our birthdays. The rice crispy buns were always his favorite and of course the Walls Ice-cream I have mentioned that before no doubt and I am always slow read my thoughts of past months it brings pain to re-read them but also gives me something to know we have left those times behind and we have continued to live on. I remember the pain of searching for help to ease the great pain we felt. Searching that someone someplace could give us something to keep going , to make it better. Two years and almost three months and we still search but not with the devastating pain we knew then. When I think back to the time Gary passed I never thought life could pick up or indeed if I could ever enjoy life again. I know that when faced with the great loss it seems like the world is a terrible place to live. I could never listen or like to be told that I could get our life back together when Gary is not here amongst us.
I look in our local papers and see parents faced with the loss of a child and I say to myself if only I could tell them it will be ok. But it didn't work like that for me and I don't think its quite that simple or fair. Life before Gary died was so very simple, so predictable. But now I look on life as such a complex series of events and a great journey of learning also a gift to be treasured. Yes I would always trade it for our old life with Gary but it shall never happen and I know we will suffer even more to keep thinking those thoughts.
I thank all those I have met over the past couple of years who have listened to me and especially those on the net.
Its has been a great comfort to me to always know out on the " World Wide Web " there are so many who do care for what you say and who take the time to tell you that. I hope if anyone is faced with the loss of a child to know there are people out there who do care and will always care.
We send our love out to Gary and to all who face the loss of a child.
All our love Brendan and Christine