August 2000The month of August  was the start of the Premier League in English football. This was what  Gary loved to write about and devote his time to. I have mentioned it before and I suppose its how we shall remember Gary best of all. He was happiest looking at the football and following his favorite team Liverpool. 

Tonight as I sit and write this piece its almost fifteen months since Gary passed on and I must think of the happy times. We all miss Gary so much, his friendly face with his big smile, his sense of humor, his cleverness , the love he had for his family. It certainly  breaks our hearts. I think of those times Stephen and I kicked ball out in the field where once Gary, Stephen and I played. Now I enjoy playing with Stephen and Lisa and with my eyes shut I imagine looking out on that field and see our big boy running about and chasing the ball and shouting for it to be passed to him.  We think back on those times with such fondness and till the day we die we shall remember Gary and his gentle ways and his great love for his family.

Today we visited our local beach just like so many times when Gary was here. The beach was one of the hardest places to revisit after Gary died. Although its still difficult to visit it brings us joy to see Stephen and Lisa play  and we must feel Gary's spirit runs freely about with them. This also was the month we picked " Blackberries " in the fields  where we live, I think of Gary this month picking those berries and bringing them home to eat with his favorite ice-cream.

 Gary let the football begin and lets look out for Liverpool  I hope they do better this season  who knows but one sure thing they have a great spirit looking after them now .

August 2001Once again it has taken a while to get to writing my thought for a new month. This month we are getting ready for school and a birthday in our little family. I forgot to mention the start of the football season. I think of my birthday and how I shall not get a card from Gary. The rice crispy buns his favorite and of course the Walls Ice-cream I have mentioned that before no doubt and I am always slow to read my thoughts of past months it brings pain to re-read them I am glad to have left those times behind to live on. I remember the pain of searching for help to ease the great pain we felt. Searching that someone someplace could give us something to keep going , to make it better. Two years and almost three months and we still search but not with the devastating pain we knew then. When I think back to the time Gary passed I never thought life could pick up or indeed if I could ever enjoy life again. I know that when faced with the great loss it seems  the whole world is a terrible place to live. I could never listen or like to be told that I could get our life back together when Gary is not here amongst us but slowly most of the pieces come together for us to continue.

I look in our local papers and see parents faced with the loss of their child and I say to myself if only I could tell them it will be ok. But it didn't work like that for me. Life before Gary died was so very simple, so predictable. But now I look on life as such a complex series of events and a great journey of learning also a gift to be treasured. Yes I would always trade it for our old life with Gary but it shall never happen and I know we will suffer even more to keep thinking those thoughts.

I thank all those I have met over the past couple of years who have listened to me and especially those on the net.

Its has been a great comfort to me to always know out on the " World Wide Web " there are so many who do care for what you say and who take the time to tell you that. I hope if anyone is faced with the loss of a child to know there are people out there who do care and will always care.

We  send our love out to Gary and to all who face the loss of a child. 

                    All our love Brendan and Christine