October 2000. The Halloween of October 1998 was the last for us and the last of anything is the most memorable. Stephen had gone with his friends out around the houses. We nicknamed it " the begging night ", and Gary had brought Lisa. He was proud of being her big brother and we knew no one would harm her with big brother looking after her. After the children had called to the houses in our street we had friends in and they invited us up to their house for some more celebrations and fun. We got some nice photographs of the children playing games and some of Gary as usual at his mom's side. To look over these photos and to know six months later Gary would be gone from our life  brings the awful missing back. Its so clear in your mind and in  your heart our precious son Gary and the kind wonderful son and friend we miss. I brought Lisa around the houses  the following Halloween and needless to say it was heartbreaking with loads of tears. As you know life goes on and when you look back you're glad you continued to do these simple things which go to the making of a  happy family life.

October  is also  the month The Wexford  Opera Festival is held in our town. And for us it brought a buzz and excitement with it. It was like a mini Christmas. The fire works attracted people from miles around and although they lasted less than a half an hour it was worth it to see the faces of the children and to hear them talk excitedly. We could not bring ourselves to go last year, I remember sneaking a glance from our top window. But  the fireworks brought  with it a lot of tears and that sadness came over me which I know to be a broken heart.

October 2001I have not re-read my past thought for the months that have gone bye. In fact when Gary died  I kept a diary of how our life was at that time. I believe it helped me cope at that first stage but I am afraid to look over the diary to be reminded of the awful hurt and pain of loosing Gary. No words can describe what it was like and yet I write this knowing  it happened to us. Two years and some months have passed, each day we  remember Gary in everything we do. I think that's why I included  the thought for each month  in our site. This ensures as time passes Gary is remembered in a special way on the world wide web which gave Gary the greatest source of sharing  knowledge that man has known.

The sadness of knowing Gary has gone on without us and knowing our lives must continue on its journey I have often pondered. Sometimes not being able to cry when I feel I must  is heartbreaking for me. When I think how easy it was to cry before. I remember reading that "crying was healing itself  a necessary part of bereavement " and now its so difficult for me to do just that. As a wound must mend  our hearts must  mend also but  it will have left its toll on us all.

October the month for witches, pumpkins, begging night and a night of fireworks to launch the local opera festival but most of all for us it was the start of the run up to Christmas. We hope this Christmas  to enjoy that time and Gary shall always look in on us when he can.

October 2002 Another month gone bye. I should have written my thought sooner but thankfully life's happenings has meant I was not able to make the time. This can only be good. I know Gary is not forgotten by us all. After four years it would be impossible to continue to live our life as when Gary died. Sure the times can be difficult everything still reminds us of Gary thankfully.  On Thursday night " trick or treat night " Stephen shall bring Lisa around. My memories are of Gary bringing Lisa around he no longer can do that and yet so man we know don't realize what that must be like I am not sure if they are the lucky ones for if they are they don't know that and I know I could not convince them if I tried.

This month Christine was interviewed by a reporter for " Woman's Way " magazine and on 27th November we shall be able to view the article about how Gary died through SUDEP and Gary shall touch the heart of others who shall read the article. How true that saying is " you could be dead in the morning" and that's exactly what happened to Gary.

To Gary we send our love and I hope life is good to him whatever he is doing right now.