September 2002 I quickly glance at the last entry for September 2001 time does go by so quickly. A lot of days I still think how do we live without Gary and indeed to know its worth while to continue can be difficult. But that's just the bad days now. The good days I think of Gary and always see his smiling face, I think of the sayings he would use, I follow the football team he loved so well. As I cut the hedge today I glance at the ground outside and think Gary once walked here and look toward the shed where he would curse the lock on the door as he put his bike away. All those memories and I still cant believe he is gone even though it shall be four years.
September the 11th has passed and for so many the first year has gone by. A most difficult of times and we all felt it but for us outsiders it cannot have the same meaning.The world still spins and we continue our journey through life. I really do try to think what's its all about. But for now its just trying to live life and watch our family grow up safely. I know I have lost a lot of the emotion grief brings that's good though because it would be too hard to live that way. Gary is safe now and he can do what he wishes never having to worry about the bullies in this world and the cruel things he had to accept as part of his life.
I often wonder does anyone ever read my few words. I don't mind if they are never read but if you are on this site and reading this it it perhaps you also have lost a child. If it is recently I can only hope the pain passes quickly, the guilt of living when your child has passed. Take care and all our love and to Gary we send our love.
September 20001Time has passed by so quickly and each month brings healing of some kind. It would be wrong of me not to say our lives have not " moved on ". When Gary died it gave me some strange comfort to live my life constantly in the shadow of Gary's passing, perhaps I felt this would keep us safe from anything else bad happening to our family. I know when you have lost a child these words bring little comfort and knowing the awful hurt and pain I only wish there were words that could comfort bereaved parents.
Its only after two years that I can begin to understand what "moving on " might mean but its a start. If our children are to grow up happy and to have a full life as adults then I know this had to happen. It really is a journey into the unknown but as time passes I learn to appreciate its not all bad. If only when your child passes you could be transported from the terrible reality into that period it takes of learning to live life again and to know its ok to live on then things might not be so bad.
On 11th September 2001 an attack on " The Twin Towers of the World Trade Center" left thousands of lives shattered and in ruins. I only hope that the God we know can help each of those families to get the strength and courage needed to keep living. Although Gary died and left our lives shattered what has happened to the people of New York is thousands of times worse and so difficult to understand. I hope it will become a turning point for all the world and not just the news on the t.v for a couple of weeks. My thoughts are with those who lost their lives on that day.
September 2000This month I have left it quite late to publish our thought. In fact my thoughts this month are focused on a book we are reading A Star Far Away . Written by a local woman whose son sadly drown in July 98. Its written in a letter form to her son Christy and it describes how life is like for a normal Mom and Dad when there precious child is taken by the sea. I would not be able to do justice to the book but I know it gives a good insight to other "normal " people who have not had to make this journey after their child has passed on. Even for parents like us who have lost a son it really proves that we all are normal even when we think our sanity is tested to the full. To loose a child and to continue to live afterwards and to able to say you enjoy life is a hell of a struggle and with people like Patricia and her husband Kevin that journey can make more sense.
The above is my own personal opinion for what it's worth. Take care of that which is the most precious gift, all our children .They are each a beautiful gift from God and without the love of a child you have not known what life is truly about. Equally true when that gift has been taken away you learn so much about life and the existence of something which is so great and powerful that only the death of a child may allow you to know. Needless to say we'd give the world to have Gary sit here with us and live that life which was so simple and yet so precious.